And I shall face my fears.

Photo Credit: Sewlolita

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......Only I will remain.

I'm not sure where this verse originated, but lately its been my mantra. As I attempt to spend more time out of my house and in the company of others I realize that my anxiety grows the more I interact with them. They say humans are social creatures but I find social situations extremely stressful, so much so that I'm near panic ever time I try to interact with my friends and others.

I turn into a bit of an idiot around them, and I constantly forget what I'm talking about, my friends are supportive but I'm terrified of where MS will take me next; right now it's affecting my memory and motor functions which effectively stole the majority of my dreams from me. I'm afraid of the disappointment I feel every time I lose the ability to do something and I'm a little jealous when I see my friends progressing with their goals. Its a strange feeling being both fiercely proud & slightly jealous of their accomplishments.

I find that I hate myself a bit for this but I'm resolved to work on this aspect of my character together with my body, I guess we'll see how it turns out ne?